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Which Utopian Dreamer are You?

3/27/2014

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Always dreamed of joining a utopian commune? Take this quiz to learn how you’d fare on the farm:


1. It’s the first day on the farm and it’s time to get to work. You open the tool shed and grab:
    A. An axe. Chopping wood is the kind of hard, lonesome labor that will let a man truly know himself.
    B. A pail and stool. You can’t wait to learn to milk that cow!
    C. Whatever’s left after everyone else picks. You’re just so excited to contribute.
    D. A pitchfork. What wonders surely lie within that pile of manure!
    E. A butter churn. How wonderful to see the unruly milk resolve itself into the dependable firmness of butter

2. After a long day of farming, you’re most likely to remark:
    A. “We will walk on our own feet; we will work with our own hands; we will speak our own minds.”
    B. “Labor is the curse of the world, and nobody can meddle with it without becoming proportionally brutified.”
    C. “For myself, I would not exchange this life for any I have ever led. I could not feel contented again with the life of isolated houses, and the conventions of civilization.”
    D. “What a sympathetic union we have found between intellectual and manual labor!”
    E. “Just keep working and the seas will turn to lemonade.”

3. What’s your favorite animal on the farm?


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THE CHOPPING BLOCK #3: SEPTIMIUS FELTON

3/20/2014

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Coming to IMAX this Summer:
SEPTIMIUS FELTON
& The Quest for the Elixir of Life


I made this fake movie poster for this edition of the Chopping Block.  It features our hero, a sociopathic, opportunist twerp from Revolutionary days.   The Nathaniel Hawthorne novella Septimius Felton: Or, the Elixir of Life is a gothic romance and cosmological origin story for the United States as we know it.*  Piehole encountered it via Bernadette Mayer, in a section of her epic poem Midwinter Day in which prosaic plot summaries of stories become a major motif.  Mayer’s summary of Felton was originally recounted onstage by one of our Old Paper Houses characters, but for whatever reason it eventually met the fate of so many other wonderful texts—and was ruthlessly CHOPPED from the script.  So, we offer it here:


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It’s that time again…another OLD PAPER HOUSES VOCAB-U-GIF!

3/19/2014

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Today’s word is

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BOILERMAKER (n) -can refer to two types of beer cocktail, found commonly in the New England region.  In American terminology, the drink consists of a glass of beer and a shot of whiskey.  The beer is either served as a chaser or mixed with the whiskey.i.e. “People sit at home and drink boilermakers” (Bernadette Mayer, “Lookin’ Like Areas of Kansas”)VOCAB-U-GIF models: Allison LaPlatney and Benoit Johnson.  Special thanks to VOCAB-U-GIF sponsor Narragansett.

OLD PAPER HOUSES opens next week!
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    Cover image by Carol Rosegg

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